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We should change the name of HALE-BOPP to HAIL-BILL
I can't say I could explain why a bunch
of Packer Fans would
kill themselves after such a good season.
Dang, some people think I'm Satan.
How could they? I give a million dollars to some crubling school every
few days so they can get PC's and Internet Explorer (Who cares about lack
of schoolbooks and crumbling buildings...). Anyhow, I am just creating
this special page to tell you you should be only using Microsoft products
right now. To take your computing experience to the "Next Level", you should
discard any software that doesn't say Microsoft on it in big letters. Your
computer is a "container" that should only hold Microsoft software.
All of the other software and media
companys now are just in the"learning level". Once they get bought out
(or put out of business) by Microsoft, they will be in the "Evolutionary
Level Above" normal companies.
New evidence from our Redmond labs
show that the Heaven's Gate suicide incident was caused by the uninstallation
of Microsoft Internet Explorer. You see, their leader Do (and head webmaster
of course) threw Microsoft Internet Explorer into the recycle bin by accident.
Not noticing it, Explorer got deleted from his system. It turned out they
couldn't even live without it. So, before he could find the link
to download it on our site, he
and all his followers killed themselves. No wonder they thought this world
was going to be recycled!A story about a company that doesn't believe or accept us...
Hehe, don't I have an explanation for everything. After all, aren't I Bill
Gates? That "Hale Bopp" incident was really the reaction of a small group
of weird people to a minor bug in Netscape Navigator. Whenever you place
a prominent object in your browser's startup screen, thousands of people
get attached to it. And if a few are almost crazy already, it will lead
them the rest of the way. That comet in the Netscape 3.0 startup screen
was responsible for the group's lively obsession with Hale Bopp. And then
(of course) they ended up killing themselves to get with the object behind
the comet. Pretty nasty bug I'd say (And you thought Internet Explorer's
bugs were bad!).
coverage for the next mass-suicide. I guess I'm dreaming, but we could
buy the rights to evrything that happens, (ie. the next earthquake, the
next flood, the next good murder trial etc...) and rake in all the advertising
revenue! And There's
More!
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Keys or Bookmarks to Vital Information About Bill
Geek Site of the Day 4/14/1997!
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I S C L A I M E R
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Bill Gates in Heaven's Gate
(not!), Heaven's gate, gates' bills, gate Bill Gates in Heaven's Gate (not!),
Heaven's gate, gates' bills, gate Bill Gates in Heaven's Gate (not!), Heaven's
gate, gates' bills, gate Bill Gates in Heaven's Gate (not!), Heaven's gate,
gates' bills, gate Bill Gates in Heaven's Gate (not!), Heaven's gate, gates'
bills, gate Bill Gates in Heaven's Gate (not!), Heaven's gate, gates' bills,
gate Bill Gates in Heaven's Gate (not!), Heaven's gate, gates' bills, gate
Bill Gates in Heaven's Gate (not!), Heaven's gate, gates' bills, gate Bill
Gates in Heaven's Gate (not!), Heaven's gate, gates' bills, gate Bill Gates
in Heaven's Gate (not!), Heaven's gate, gates' bills, gate Bill Gates in
Heaven's Gate (not!), Heaven's gate, gates' bills, gate Bill Gates in Heaven's
Gate (not!), Heaven's gate, gates' bills, gate Bill Gates in Heaven's Gate
(not!), Heaven's gate, gates' bills, gate Bill Gates in Heaven's Gate (not!),
Heaven's gate, gates' bills, gate
What are we going to do tomorrow night Bill?
The same thing we do every night Pinky, try to take over the world!
For
more funny tunes, see the Twisted
Tunes Vault!
Or,
come see my other stuff in Humor
Slate.